JP Denyer Designs

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Living with Grief

I watch over him now as he permeates the remaining years of what our lives were together, because no one now, who shares my day to day, knew me as long as we knew each other, except family of course.  I was sixteen when I met him, turning 57 when he passed away and he has now left me once and all forever.  I can still miss him although, no worries, I am able to function quite normally and have been for awhile.  I just want to find that comfort zone again and I don't think I ever will.

He was not the only important man in my life to pass away, I lost my father when I was just 19, I still grieve him and it will be 38 years this October 30th.  Halloween has never been the same for me.

Living with grief is learning how to say ok to emptiness.  The life you once knew won't come back, unless you get lucky like I did with my dog Buddy.  I believe he is the cat I had 30 years ago who was blessed to come back to me, and Mark knew Buddy.  I found Buddy on the street one day thinking Mark and him would be great together.  Buddy had other ideas.

But here I was living my life thinking nothing about it when not once but twice, the two most important men in my life structure disappear.  I am grateful to our time together.  Read this poem, It is from the point of view of my daughter who witnessed the day I learned my friend Mark Voland had died.  I really like it.

Grief doesn't go away.  It shrinks.  For most of us it becomes really manageable, as it has for me, but memories being what memories are, this is part of a grieving process.  It also becomes louder when other things go wrong in your life that are out of your control and the world requires you to be strong.

So I am going to go be strong now.  Please go read the poem, maybe you'll like it too!


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